Learning to Take Up Space and Have a Voice

 

‘Sugar and spice and everything nice!’ This is the message I received as a young woman from the social support around me. Yet I also had to be smart, athletic, successful, and in many ways the ideal young woman. So not only do you have to be a ‘good’ girl, you also have to do everything well, with the ‘good’ girl demeanor. Suppress any desire to be loud, angry, or to take up space. 

Now at the age of 26 I’ve almost mastered this illusion that women must bear in order to gain the respect and love of many people in my life. But wait a minute!!! I don’t want to be restrained! I want to be a full, whole, healthy, human being. So if that means taking up space, well then I’m going to take up space. Move over world, I’m taking my space back! When I say I’m taking my space back, I mean I want to take up as much space as the next guy. (Also, I don’t mean increasing my carbon footprint, ha, I mean more of a spiritual/emotional/psychological space which only comes w/ confidence in self to BE in the world).

I took a workshop w/ Rachel Simmons called, Say What You Mean, Be Who You Are.  It was incredible. We talked about the pressures our culture places on young women’s shoulders to be a ‘good’ girl, not take up to much space, or ask for too much. This is not a healthy way to live. Not only is it unhealthy for the women under this cultural spell, but also the world at large. Under this ‘good’ girl guise people cannot truly thrive or grow to be the best person they can become. When we hold back, we cannot fully blossom, and therefore we will not be able to truly give our best (to yourself and the world). 

This poem by Anais Nin speaks beautifully to this idea:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

 

Believe me, we want people to blossom. I want every person in this world to become a healthy realized individual. To thrive as an artist, an astronaut, a librarian, a mechanic, a president because when we allow for this type of blossoming we will truly have the best president or the best artist regardless of sex, race, age, sexual orientation, etc. 

Back to Rachel Simmons…the workshop focused on assisting young women in taking up space, being loud, speaking our desires, without the fear of losing important relationships. It’s amazing how many young women will be overly polite, not ask for too much, or become angry at someone due to a fear that the other individual will not love us anymore. When did we get this message!!! This is so unhealthy, yet I find myself acting this way often. Yes, there are times when it is important to compromise and be friendly, but not at the expense of your spiritual and psychological health.

This message speaks to so many women. If I take a moment to think about the women in my life that do this, wow, I can think of sooooo many. When I think about men, yes some do this, butmost say what they want to or ask for things they would like. Women need some of that confidence,  to believe that their health, desires, and dreams are just as important or maybe more important to keep healthy relationships. It makes total sense, take care of yourself and love yourself, so that you may help and love others. We’ve all heard it so many times, ‘if you can’t love yourself, how can you love others?’, invest in your health women!

Even though I’ve spent a good chunk of my life accepting the ‘good’ girl guise, I am so happy to finally challenge that perception and take a step towards having a voice and taking up space. I know I deserve it, and so does every single person.

Thanks Rachel!

 

Check out this rock star lady:

http://www.rachelsimmons.com/
http://tedxwomen.org/speakers/rachel-simmons/